Well, day two of my year-long daily post regarding Centering Prayer and finding Center. What I love most about this process is the absolutely insane amount and breadth of topic this post can cover. So let's dig in!
How was Centering Prayer today?
Pretty much textbook today. A bit above average; what one would hope for. It was a nice and easy transition into the session today. Centering Prayer is many times called a prayer or practice of Intention, rather than Attention. You simply intend to rest in God; to sit and let Life, God, whatever do the rest. You just be. When you notice thoughts or that you are involved with a thought/story/itch, etc, you gently repeat your sacred word to remind you of your intention of sitting. Today was good. Easy. Peaceful. Nice.
As I 'came back' to the world, I sat in my chair with eyes open and just remained quiet for a bit. I watched the thoughts coming back to their normal flow as they had actually slowed down. I was able to watch them for quite awhile without being hooked by any of them. Amazing. Kind of...
I realized (once again...I've realized this many times in my life...I just don't stay with it) that I am not my thoughts. That may sound pretty mundane, but I think if you really look at it, it is a profound realization that has world changing implications. So, I'm sitting there during my centering and I'm relatively peaceful. Thoughts are playing about in my head. I'm simply watching them, not reacting, just noticing. Then before too long, I discover that I have been 'gone' for what seems like several minutes. This particular time I got caught up in remembering how I would always step in dog poop in my yard when I was a kid. Eli stepped in dog poop three times so far. I would love to get a puppy for Eli, but we need to put up a new section of fence in our yard to keep the poop in one area, but that wouldn't be much fun for us to play as a family in a little tiny fenced-in area when we have a nice yard to play and run about in. I guess I could clean up the poop everyday. But I don't want to do that. I'm busy enough as it is. We are really hardly ever home right now. Maybe when Eli is a bit older. Maybe when our life settles down a bit. Maybe we shouldn't ever get a dog. We have a cat. The cat isn't very playful with Eli. I like dogs and cats. Some people don't but I like them both. But a dog would be nice. I wouldn't mind having a dog. Except for all the poop...
Then I realized I was involved with thought....
I introduced my 'sacred' word and reminded myself to rest. I surrendered the thought and sat.
My whole session was like this; a bit of sitting, a bit of thinking; a remembering and then more sitting (rinse and repeat).
But one thing was clear during this session; I am not my thoughts. My thoughts come and go all on their own. I did not chose to think about dog poop. It just happened and I got caught up in it; sounds disgusting, I know! But if you look closely you can surely see that there was 'me' sitting there WATCHING thoughts, where there was a definite distinction between ME and a THOUGHT. During the whole poop episode, that was not the case. I did not even notice a thought was happening. I was simply involved completely with the scenario. Caught up. Locked away. Imprisoned in a world with dog poop in the yard. BUT THEN I REMEMBERED. And all of a sudden, I was me again, watching the thoughts go by.
I sure hope this makes sense. It was really pretty easy to experience it, but very hard to put into words. I'll try it simpler.
Sometimes I'm not so caught up in my thoughts that I can just watch them come and go. Sometimes I AM so caught up in them that I lose myself completely. It's as if I become the thoughts.
I think I "live" in that last sentence quite a bit. I think that's why I feel so off center a good chunk of the time. Since my thoughts can flit from subject to subject with the greatest of ease, it would make sense that if I am 'identified' with my thoughts and 'lost' that my feeling of centeredness would be nearly non-existent. Hmmm.
So a practice of meditation becomes simply a practice of learning to disengage from your thoughts. Not really going QUIET, but simply not IDENTIFYING with the thoughts as they pass by; letting them go, surrendering. Well, that would be ONE definition of meditation. There are certainly more definitions than that, but this one seems to suit my experience today.
I was thinking today about the purpose of this whole experiment and while I stated early on that I have no 'place' special I want to arrive, I certainly DO want to experience a better world; a better life. My inner knowing tells me that I am demonstrating so much less than I actually AM. I think there's a line in the Lion King when Mufasa comes to Simba in a dream and says, "You are so much more than you are allowing yourself to be." Poorly paraphrased, I know, but DANG...there is some wisdom there! I believe, nay, KNOW that is the truth for myself and EVERYONE. So how do we get there? And if we are truly divine at our core, how do we get rid of all the junk that surrounds it?
Can Centering Prayer do it? There are thousands of people who say yes. Can I keep attempting to visit my depths hoping to throw out a little bit of crap every time I say my sacred word? Will there be a time when I have cleared (surrendered) enough of the junk of my inner world that my truest light will simply burst through? That's the meaning of this experiment. After a year of centering daily will I exhibit more of my light into this world? I have hope. I certainly don't expect to be able to walk through walls, levitate and heal disease, but if I can live from a more centered, peaceful place on a consistent basis, I can make a profound difference in 'my part of the garden.' And that will be enough.
I have also realized something else through this short time so far. I have come to the conclusion that I do not believe in the concept of original sin. I do not believe that we are flawed at our core. I believe that we are divine at our core. We are simply covered over with a bunch of flawed programming from our parents, friends and society. And I think we are also 'lost in thought.' If we could remove this dirty, tired, outer-shell of what most of us take for ourselves and look deeper, I believe we would find our true nature, our divinity, our Home. I am hopeful Centering Prayer can be a WAY home.
The vision of looking at violent waves on the surface of the ocean during a storm comes to mind. That is how our thoughts are; especially during times of stress. But if we could look at those waves and then sink underneath the water, we would certainly find that the deeper we went, the more tranquil the water would become. At the very depths, we would possibly be unaware of the storm overhead, except for the slightest movement of water gently brushing our cheek. We could look up and see the waves, but would be mostly unaffected by them. To me, this is a place of true power. I think a good many people are fascinated with 'hurricanes.' I guess I've been tossed around on the surface enough. I'm ready to go deeper. While the 'winds of my youth' were certainly exciting, their superficiality has lost all appeal for me. I'm ready to go deeper, all the way down to the source.
Blessings,
Dino
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Finding Center. Day One. Centering Prayer
Well first off...WAHOO!! I already had my Centering session. I came out of a sleep cycle around 4am and couldn't return to my slumber. So up and ready and in my chair with my meditation timer app on my phone and began my session! Day 1. Check.
A little background...
I have been 'centering' for several years. I have taught small workshops on it. I've read at least 5 books about it. I just haven't been doing it daily on a consistent basis. I can go for a few months, then I fall off the wagon. When I turn to a meditation practice, this one always gets the bid. Why?
There are hundreds of specific forms of meditation. Most of them can be categorized into three groups.
1. Concentrative method--where a person concentrates on a mantra or breath and when they notice thoughts, they return to that focus.
2. Awareness method--where a person focuses not on the thoughts, feelings, etc but on the awareness (or I) that is being aware of those thoughts. Sometimes a person can just put their awareness on being or even a body part.
3. Surrender method (Centering Prayer)--where a person has no real focus and awareness is not central. You just sit. As some refer to it, "you rest in God", letting go (surrendering) any thought that comes to mind. When you notice that you are thinking, you simply surrender it and go back to sitting. Very similar to Zazen.
I like this method so much because of the surrender aspect. I have long stopped believing that I am in control of much of anything. My best thinking has gotten me into some doosies! I enjoy the line, "Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? Who would you have me speak to? What would you have me say?"
I guess the above is a bit of a clue as to what my faith is. Because while I have trouble defining faith, I still know in my depths that there is something/someone that has guidance for me and my path. So I trust that IT is there and really believe that if I could shut up a bit, I may be able to let that IT come through. I believe it has come through several times in my life.
So how was my Centering today?
Uhh. Ok. With Centering Prayer, the constant reminder from all those who teach it is to not look for results during the session. Just 'rest in God.' Just sit. Return to your sacred word. The 'gifts' or results will be found in your outer world in your responses and how you live your life.
Some would say that God works with you at your core. Deep. You don't even know what's going on. I will trust that advice for now, because it seems true at this moment. But I have to admit it sounds a bit sketchy to someone who wants proof of results. I can say that while I've had many sessions where I felt like I was being bathed in light and peace, today was not that at all. There were a lot of thoughts coming up. Many from my childhood today. Many about what I should write about here. Many about what I will eat for dinner.
But THINKING IS ALLOWED with Centering Prayer. That's what the brain does. So we let it. When we find ourselves involved in a thought; engaging it, we simply return to our sacred word and just sit. Surrender. Let God do God. Let Life do Life.
I like to entertain the thought that all that stuff is coming UP so it can come OUT. If there really is work being done at my core, my center, then all that stuff is coming out because my deeper self is growing. I don't know that this is true at this point, but I will let that thought serve me for a while.
I will end today's post with this...
I find it intriguing that I felt guided to do this project during the season of Advent. Advent is part of the Christian year in which we honor and anticipate the coming Christ (Christmas). Rather than reading that as a way to honor the past OR to hope for the literal second coming, I choose a different path that respects both of those views. I see Christ as that divine spark within me. Christ is my core. I want that Christ to be born into my world. In a more general and earthy (even pagan) sense; this is the darkest time of our seasonal year. The solstice begins the movement back toward the light when the days are longer.
So Christ; Light....I prepare for you a place in my life. I take this time of Advent to make some space for you. Please come! Let there be light. I do what I can and hope that God will let Christ be born in me in this moment. I surrender to you my darkness; all of it. I give to you freely all my playing small and acting from a quivering, frightened self. I do this conciously in my centering sessions and I pray that I will remember to do it also during my normal day. In traffic. In line at HyVee. When I speak with people. When I am on the toilet. Surrender...let go of the shit. (ah, a nice tshirt, no?)
Blessings to you!
Dino
A little background...
I have been 'centering' for several years. I have taught small workshops on it. I've read at least 5 books about it. I just haven't been doing it daily on a consistent basis. I can go for a few months, then I fall off the wagon. When I turn to a meditation practice, this one always gets the bid. Why?
There are hundreds of specific forms of meditation. Most of them can be categorized into three groups.
1. Concentrative method--where a person concentrates on a mantra or breath and when they notice thoughts, they return to that focus.
2. Awareness method--where a person focuses not on the thoughts, feelings, etc but on the awareness (or I) that is being aware of those thoughts. Sometimes a person can just put their awareness on being or even a body part.
3. Surrender method (Centering Prayer)--where a person has no real focus and awareness is not central. You just sit. As some refer to it, "you rest in God", letting go (surrendering) any thought that comes to mind. When you notice that you are thinking, you simply surrender it and go back to sitting. Very similar to Zazen.
I like this method so much because of the surrender aspect. I have long stopped believing that I am in control of much of anything. My best thinking has gotten me into some doosies! I enjoy the line, "Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? Who would you have me speak to? What would you have me say?"
I guess the above is a bit of a clue as to what my faith is. Because while I have trouble defining faith, I still know in my depths that there is something/someone that has guidance for me and my path. So I trust that IT is there and really believe that if I could shut up a bit, I may be able to let that IT come through. I believe it has come through several times in my life.
So how was my Centering today?
Uhh. Ok. With Centering Prayer, the constant reminder from all those who teach it is to not look for results during the session. Just 'rest in God.' Just sit. Return to your sacred word. The 'gifts' or results will be found in your outer world in your responses and how you live your life.
Some would say that God works with you at your core. Deep. You don't even know what's going on. I will trust that advice for now, because it seems true at this moment. But I have to admit it sounds a bit sketchy to someone who wants proof of results. I can say that while I've had many sessions where I felt like I was being bathed in light and peace, today was not that at all. There were a lot of thoughts coming up. Many from my childhood today. Many about what I should write about here. Many about what I will eat for dinner.
But THINKING IS ALLOWED with Centering Prayer. That's what the brain does. So we let it. When we find ourselves involved in a thought; engaging it, we simply return to our sacred word and just sit. Surrender. Let God do God. Let Life do Life.
I like to entertain the thought that all that stuff is coming UP so it can come OUT. If there really is work being done at my core, my center, then all that stuff is coming out because my deeper self is growing. I don't know that this is true at this point, but I will let that thought serve me for a while.
I will end today's post with this...
I find it intriguing that I felt guided to do this project during the season of Advent. Advent is part of the Christian year in which we honor and anticipate the coming Christ (Christmas). Rather than reading that as a way to honor the past OR to hope for the literal second coming, I choose a different path that respects both of those views. I see Christ as that divine spark within me. Christ is my core. I want that Christ to be born into my world. In a more general and earthy (even pagan) sense; this is the darkest time of our seasonal year. The solstice begins the movement back toward the light when the days are longer.
So Christ; Light....I prepare for you a place in my life. I take this time of Advent to make some space for you. Please come! Let there be light. I do what I can and hope that God will let Christ be born in me in this moment. I surrender to you my darkness; all of it. I give to you freely all my playing small and acting from a quivering, frightened self. I do this conciously in my centering sessions and I pray that I will remember to do it also during my normal day. In traffic. In line at HyVee. When I speak with people. When I am on the toilet. Surrender...let go of the shit. (ah, a nice tshirt, no?)
Blessings to you!
Dino
Monday, November 28, 2011
Finding Center: Preparation. Beginning my year of Centering Prayer
After a good three days with extended family during Thanksgiving, I find myself off center and struggling to return to peace. It's funny how family has that way of pushing your buttons. They were the ones who did a good chunk of your initial programming during your youth, therefore they know where and exactly how to 'get you.'
I dealt with a lot of that over the holiday weekend. Noticing many of my old stories popping into my head; stories of victim-hood and the need to break free and be independent. Funny thing is, I am 43 years old, left home when I was 18 without so much as a glance over my shoulders and find that I am still chained to old reactions and old behavior patterns. Patterns that I sincerely thought were left back in my hometown.
So for the PURPOSE of this blog...I am a man searching for Truth. I know in my heart of hearts that I can live from a place of peace and ease. I know in my bones that I carry a potential of so much more than I demonstrate now. I know it to be true that I am a child of the Universe, God, All That Is, (name yours), etc, but I find myself not able to sustain that way of living at ALL. I need help. After 20 years of much seeking, I find myself unable to 'get there' on my own. I am trying something new.
I am hereby making a commitment to myself and the 'world' (you) that I will begin a sincere practice of meditation on a daily basis. The form I am choosing is called Centering Prayer; it is a method of surrender. I have been 'centering' for several years, but not on a daily basis. Circumstances seem to pull my away from my practice. I am hopeful that posting here will keep me honest and accountable.
I will practice Centering Prayer at least once for 30 minutes everyday. If my time allows, I will have another 20 minute session...but I am committed to the 30 minutes.
Why? Because I know that I am so much more than my flippant and ever changing emotions. I believe that at my depths I am a piece of God, a tiny spark of Creation....Christ in potential. I want that 'me' to come out and play. I want the wise, strong and centered being at my core to be the one that shows up in my life. Not the pissy, needy and manipulative dude that loves to ruin nearly every waking moment.
But the truth....I'm also searching for something more. I'm searching for God. But I certainly have stopped believing in the vision of God from my childhood. I know God is there....I feel it. But it is not what most people think of when they think of God. I believe that God is primarily a Mystery and that we as humans have hardly ANY knowledge of it at all. Yes, I used the word IT. The God that I FEEL exists is not a woman or a man or an anything that I can describe.
I had a unified spiritual experience about 15 years ago that has made a lasting change on my spirit. I cannot even begin to describe it, but I will say that the line, "make me one with everything" is not just the punchline of a Buddhist joke. It was my reality for a period of 7 days. And without trying to re-create that experience, I was certainly shown that Life, and all of us, is so much more than we currently demonstrate.
But it's been a long, dry 15 years. The pull to seek is ever present, but the experience and cool little synchronicities that used to dot my spiritual landscape has gone away, dried up and scattered like dust in the wind. I have lost a lot of my 'faith.' I have doubted my experience, my life and even the existence of God. But I know something is there...But I must find it through truth, contemplation, meditation. I simply cannot believe for the sake of believing. That is not true Faith to me. I'm not sure what Faith is to me anymore, but it is certainly not believing blindly.
So to my task. I will begin a daily practice of Centering Prayer. Here is the practice I will follow:
1. Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God’s presence and action within.
Sitting comfortably and with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God’s presence and action within.
I have many more thoughts and life stories that will be added as I go, but I'm looking for this to be the beginning of a year long quest. I do not believe that I will 'arrive' any place special, but I want to share the journey.
As I enter into my seminary work, I look at this as a large part of my ministry and a true crystalization of my inner stirrings.
Blessings,
Dino Hayz
I dealt with a lot of that over the holiday weekend. Noticing many of my old stories popping into my head; stories of victim-hood and the need to break free and be independent. Funny thing is, I am 43 years old, left home when I was 18 without so much as a glance over my shoulders and find that I am still chained to old reactions and old behavior patterns. Patterns that I sincerely thought were left back in my hometown.
So for the PURPOSE of this blog...I am a man searching for Truth. I know in my heart of hearts that I can live from a place of peace and ease. I know in my bones that I carry a potential of so much more than I demonstrate now. I know it to be true that I am a child of the Universe, God, All That Is, (name yours), etc, but I find myself not able to sustain that way of living at ALL. I need help. After 20 years of much seeking, I find myself unable to 'get there' on my own. I am trying something new.
I am hereby making a commitment to myself and the 'world' (you) that I will begin a sincere practice of meditation on a daily basis. The form I am choosing is called Centering Prayer; it is a method of surrender. I have been 'centering' for several years, but not on a daily basis. Circumstances seem to pull my away from my practice. I am hopeful that posting here will keep me honest and accountable.
I will practice Centering Prayer at least once for 30 minutes everyday. If my time allows, I will have another 20 minute session...but I am committed to the 30 minutes.
Why? Because I know that I am so much more than my flippant and ever changing emotions. I believe that at my depths I am a piece of God, a tiny spark of Creation....Christ in potential. I want that 'me' to come out and play. I want the wise, strong and centered being at my core to be the one that shows up in my life. Not the pissy, needy and manipulative dude that loves to ruin nearly every waking moment.
But the truth....I'm also searching for something more. I'm searching for God. But I certainly have stopped believing in the vision of God from my childhood. I know God is there....I feel it. But it is not what most people think of when they think of God. I believe that God is primarily a Mystery and that we as humans have hardly ANY knowledge of it at all. Yes, I used the word IT. The God that I FEEL exists is not a woman or a man or an anything that I can describe.
I had a unified spiritual experience about 15 years ago that has made a lasting change on my spirit. I cannot even begin to describe it, but I will say that the line, "make me one with everything" is not just the punchline of a Buddhist joke. It was my reality for a period of 7 days. And without trying to re-create that experience, I was certainly shown that Life, and all of us, is so much more than we currently demonstrate.
But it's been a long, dry 15 years. The pull to seek is ever present, but the experience and cool little synchronicities that used to dot my spiritual landscape has gone away, dried up and scattered like dust in the wind. I have lost a lot of my 'faith.' I have doubted my experience, my life and even the existence of God. But I know something is there...But I must find it through truth, contemplation, meditation. I simply cannot believe for the sake of believing. That is not true Faith to me. I'm not sure what Faith is to me anymore, but it is certainly not believing blindly.
So to my task. I will begin a daily practice of Centering Prayer. Here is the practice I will follow:
1. Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God’s presence and action within.
2
3
When engaged with your thoughts*, return ever-so gently to the sacred word.4
At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes.
- Thoughts include body sensations, feelings, images, and reflections
I have many more thoughts and life stories that will be added as I go, but I'm looking for this to be the beginning of a year long quest. I do not believe that I will 'arrive' any place special, but I want to share the journey.
As I enter into my seminary work, I look at this as a large part of my ministry and a true crystalization of my inner stirrings.
Blessings,
Dino Hayz
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