Day Two. Thoughts on Thought

Well, day two of my year-long daily post regarding Centering Prayer and finding Center. What I love most about this process is the absolutely insane amount and breadth of topic this post can cover. So let's dig in!

How was Centering Prayer today?
Pretty much textbook today. A bit above average; what one would hope for. It was a nice and easy transition into the session today. Centering Prayer is many times called a prayer or practice of Intention, rather than Attention. You simply intend to rest in God; to sit and let Life, God, whatever do the rest. You just be. When you notice thoughts or that you are involved with a thought/story/itch, etc, you gently repeat your sacred word to remind you of your intention of sitting. Today was good. Easy. Peaceful. Nice.

As I 'came back' to the world, I sat in my chair with eyes open and just remained quiet for a bit. I watched the thoughts coming back to their normal flow as they had actually slowed down. I was able to watch them for quite awhile without being hooked by any of them. Amazing. Kind of...

I realized (once again...I've realized this many times in my life...I just don't stay with it) that I am not my thoughts. That may sound pretty mundane, but I think if you really look at it, it is a profound realization that has world changing implications. So, I'm sitting there during my centering and I'm relatively peaceful. Thoughts are playing about in my head. I'm simply watching them, not reacting, just noticing. Then before too long, I discover that I have been 'gone' for what seems like several minutes. This particular time I got caught up in remembering how I would always step in dog poop in my yard when I was a kid. Eli stepped in dog poop three times so far. I would love to get a puppy for Eli, but we need to put up a new section of fence in our yard to keep the poop in one area, but that wouldn't be much fun for us to play as a family in a little tiny fenced-in area when we have a nice yard to play and run about in. I guess I could clean up the poop everyday. But I don't want to do that. I'm busy enough as it is. We are really hardly ever home right now. Maybe when Eli is a bit older. Maybe when our life settles down a bit. Maybe we shouldn't ever get a dog. We have a cat. The cat isn't very playful with Eli. I like dogs and cats. Some people don't but I like them both. But a dog would be nice. I wouldn't mind having a dog. Except for all the poop...

Then I realized I was involved with thought....

I introduced my 'sacred' word and reminded myself to rest. I surrendered the thought and sat.

My whole session was like this; a bit of sitting, a bit of thinking; a remembering and then more sitting (rinse and repeat).

But one thing was clear during this session; I am not my thoughts. My thoughts come and go all on their own. I did not chose to think about dog poop. It just happened and I got caught up in it; sounds disgusting, I know! But if you look closely you can surely see that there was 'me' sitting there WATCHING thoughts, where there was a definite distinction between ME and a THOUGHT. During the whole poop episode, that was not the case. I did not even notice a thought was happening. I was simply involved completely with the scenario. Caught up. Locked away. Imprisoned in a world with dog poop in the yard. BUT THEN I REMEMBERED. And all of a sudden, I was me again, watching the thoughts go by.

I sure hope this makes sense. It was really pretty easy to experience it, but very hard to put into words. I'll try it simpler.
     Sometimes I'm not so caught up in my thoughts that I can just watch them come and go. Sometimes I AM so caught up in them that I lose myself completely. It's as if I become the thoughts.

I think I "live" in that last sentence quite a bit. I think that's why I feel so off center a good chunk of the time. Since my thoughts can flit from subject to subject with the greatest of ease, it would make sense that if I am 'identified' with my thoughts and 'lost' that my feeling of centeredness would be nearly non-existent. Hmmm.

So a practice of meditation becomes simply a practice of learning to disengage from your thoughts. Not really going QUIET, but simply not IDENTIFYING with the thoughts as they pass by; letting them go, surrendering. Well, that would be ONE definition of meditation. There are certainly more definitions than that, but this one seems to suit my experience today.

I was thinking today about the purpose of this whole experiment and while I stated early on that I have no 'place' special I want to arrive, I certainly DO want to experience a better world; a better life. My inner knowing tells me that I am demonstrating so much less than I actually AM. I think there's a line in the Lion King when Mufasa comes to Simba in a dream and says, "You are so much more than you are allowing yourself to be." Poorly paraphrased, I know, but DANG...there is some wisdom there! I believe, nay, KNOW that is the truth for myself and EVERYONE. So how do we get there? And if we are truly divine at our core, how do we get rid of all the junk that surrounds it?

Can Centering Prayer do it? There are thousands of people who say yes. Can I keep attempting to visit my depths hoping to throw out a little bit of crap every time I say my sacred word? Will there be a time when I have cleared (surrendered) enough of the junk of my inner world that my truest light will simply burst through? That's the meaning of this experiment. After a year of centering daily will I exhibit more of my light into this world? I have hope. I certainly don't expect to be able to walk through walls, levitate and heal disease, but if I can live from a more centered, peaceful place on a consistent basis, I can make a profound difference in 'my part of the garden.' And that will be enough.

I have also realized something else through this short time so far. I have come to the conclusion that I do not believe in the concept of original sin. I do not believe that we are flawed at our core. I believe that we are divine at our core. We are simply covered over with a bunch of flawed programming from our parents, friends and society. And I think we are also 'lost in thought.' If we could remove this dirty, tired, outer-shell of what most of us take for ourselves and look deeper, I believe we would find our true nature, our divinity, our Home. I am hopeful Centering Prayer can be a WAY home.

The vision of looking at violent waves on the surface of the ocean during a storm comes to mind. That is how our thoughts are; especially during times of stress. But if we could look at those waves and then sink underneath the water, we would certainly find that the deeper we went, the more tranquil the water would become. At the very depths, we would possibly be unaware of the storm overhead, except for the slightest movement of water gently brushing our cheek. We could look up and see the waves, but would be mostly unaffected by them. To me, this is a place of true power. I think a good many people are fascinated with 'hurricanes.' I guess I've been tossed around on the surface enough. I'm ready to go deeper. While the 'winds of my youth' were certainly exciting, their superficiality has lost all appeal for me. I'm ready to go deeper, all the way down to the source.

Blessings,
Dino