Finding Center. Day One. Centering Prayer

Well first off...WAHOO!! I already had my Centering session. I came out of a sleep cycle around 4am and couldn't return to my slumber. So up and ready and in my chair with my meditation timer app on my phone and began my session! Day 1. Check.

A little background...
I have been 'centering' for several years. I have taught small workshops on it. I've read at least 5 books about it. I just haven't been doing it daily on a consistent basis. I can go for a few months, then I fall off the wagon. When I turn to a meditation practice, this one always gets the bid. Why?

There are hundreds of specific forms of meditation. Most of them can be categorized into three groups.

1. Concentrative method--where a person concentrates on a mantra or breath and when they notice thoughts, they return to that focus.
2. Awareness method--where a person focuses not on the thoughts, feelings, etc but on the awareness (or I) that is being aware of those thoughts. Sometimes a person can just put their awareness on being or even a body part.
3. Surrender method (Centering Prayer)--where a person has no real focus and awareness is not central. You just sit. As some refer to it, "you rest in God", letting go (surrendering) any thought that comes to mind. When you notice that you are thinking, you simply surrender it and go back to sitting. Very similar to Zazen.

I like this method so much because of the surrender aspect. I have long stopped believing that I am in control of much of anything. My best thinking has gotten me into some doosies! I enjoy the line, "Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? Who would you have me speak to? What would you have me say?"

I guess the above is a bit of a clue as to what my faith is. Because while I have trouble defining faith, I still know in my depths that there is something/someone that has guidance for me and my path. So I trust that IT is there and really believe that if I could shut up a bit, I may be able to let that IT come through. I believe it has come through several times in my life.

So how was my Centering today?
Uhh. Ok. With Centering Prayer, the constant reminder from all those who teach it is to not look for results during the session. Just 'rest in God.' Just sit. Return to your sacred word. The 'gifts' or results will be found in your outer world in your responses and how you live your life.

Some would say that God works with you at your core. Deep. You don't even know what's going on. I will trust that advice for now, because it seems true at this moment. But I have to admit it sounds a bit sketchy to someone who wants proof of results. I can say that while I've had many sessions where I felt like I was being bathed in light and peace, today was not that at all. There were a lot of thoughts coming up. Many from my childhood today. Many about what I should write about here. Many about what I will eat for dinner.

But THINKING IS ALLOWED with Centering Prayer. That's what the brain does. So we let it. When we find ourselves involved in a thought; engaging it, we simply return to our sacred word and just sit. Surrender. Let God do God. Let Life do Life.

I like to entertain the thought that all that stuff is coming UP so it can come OUT. If there really is work being done at my core, my center, then all that stuff is coming out because my deeper self is growing. I don't know that this is true at this point, but I will let that thought serve me for a while.

I will end today's post with this...
I find it intriguing that I felt guided to do this project during the season of Advent. Advent is part of the Christian year in which we honor and anticipate the coming Christ (Christmas). Rather than reading that as a way to honor the past OR to hope for the literal second coming, I choose a different path that respects both of those views.  I see Christ as that divine spark within me. Christ is my core. I want that Christ to be born into my world. In a more general and earthy (even pagan) sense; this is the darkest time of our seasonal year. The solstice begins the movement back toward the light when the days are longer.

So Christ; Light....I prepare for you a place in my life. I take this time of Advent to make some space for you. Please come! Let there be light. I do what I can and hope that God will let Christ be born in me in this moment. I surrender to you my darkness; all of it. I give to you freely all my playing small and acting from a quivering, frightened self. I do this conciously in my centering sessions and I pray that I will remember to do it also during my normal day. In traffic. In line at HyVee. When I speak with people. When I am on the toilet. Surrender...let go of the shit. (ah, a nice tshirt, no?)
Blessings to you!
Dino